5 stages of drunkenness

Here’s a big day today. It’s a premiere of training film for future Evil Lords! 3 hours of it!

176. I will add indelible dye to the moat. It won’t stop anyone from swimming across, but even dim-witted guards should be able to figure out when someone has entered in this fashion.

177. If a scientist with a beautiful and unmarried daughter refuses to work for me, I will not hold her hostage. Instead, I will offer to pay for her future wedding and her children’s college tuition.

178. If I have the hero cornered and am about to finish him off and he says "Look out behind you!!" I will not laugh and say "You don’t expect me to fall for that old trick, do you?" Instead I will take a step to the side and half turn. That way I can still keep my weapon trained on the hero, I can scan the area behind me, and if anything was heading for me it will now be heading for him.

179. I will not outsource core functions.

180. If I ever build a device to transfer the hero’s energy into me, I will make sure it cannot operate in reverse.

To determine YOUR personality pick the gift you’d most like to get:

1. Candy

2. Flowers

3. A sweet poem

4. Sex

5. Dinner/Dancing

6. Waffle iron

Read on to find out what type you are:

Stage 1 - SMART

This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject

in the known Universe. You know you know everything and want

to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this

stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are

talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting

argument when both parties are SMART.

Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING

This is when you realize that you are the BEST LOOKING

person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can

go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and

really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still

SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject

under the sun.

Stage 3 - RICH

This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the

world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you

have an armored truck full of money parked behind the bar.

You can also make bets at this stage, because of course,

you are still SMART, so naturally you win all your bets. It

doesn’t matter how much you bet ’cause you are RICH. You

will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because

now you are the BEST LOOKING person in the world.

Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF

You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone

especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing.

This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can

also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and

challenge to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of

losing this battle because you are SMART, you are RICH and

hell, you’re BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway!

Stage 5 - INVISIBLE

This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this point you

can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on a

table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest

of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also

invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can

walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs

because no one can see or hear you and because you’re still

SMART you know all the words.

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